10 Tips to Master Non-Verbal Communication

Non-verbal communication is as important as the words that you say. Your body language, tone of voice, and energy should work in congruence with what you say to make you a personable and convincing person. Perfecting non-verbal communication is simply a matter of practice. With the right tips and a few daily exercises, you can influence the way people relate and react to you, help them understand you better, and make them like you.

Here are 10 tips to master non-verbal communication:

1. Be self-aware.

According to Harvard University, “If you don’t understand your own motivations and behaviours, it’s nearly impossible to develop an understanding of others.” Plus, it becomes equally difficult to influence how others perceive you.

During difficult situations, the body reacts to your mental condition, and the signs—cracking knuckles, biting nails, increased heart rate, sweating, or breathing heavily—are easily visible. The trick is to notice these triggers and analyse how these emotions affect you on a psychological level, so you can control and modify your body language.

Being self-aware will help you give the right non-verbal cues in congruence with your narrative. The consistency in behaviour will help people trust and invest in you. You will also learn to notice the non-verbal cues people around you share.

2. Make good eye contact.

Where else will you look when you’re talking to someone? Looking at your feet or over someone’s shoulder gives the wrong vibe—maybe you’re lying about something or you actually want to speak to someone else but are stuck with the person you’re speaking to.

But there’s more to just looking someone in the eye—squint your eyes and you’ll immediately look suspicious, open them wide and you’ll look like you’re on drugs. To maintain a welcoming look at someone, practice smiling at them from your heart; your eyes will reflect your emotions. Occasionally switch to notice their lip movement, or look between their eyes if you’re feeling too uncomfortable with prolonged eye contact.

While you remember all these rules and act them out in your group meetings or during public speeches, there are also a million cues being thrown at you—notice the eye contact people are making with you. When you see someone not looking at you, yawning, or looking out the window, casually call out to them, ask them if they have any questions, or even better, use their name in an example. You’ll have their undivided attention for the next 20 minutes.

3. Emphasise your narrative with hand gestures.

Did you know that the way you move your hands during a speech, presentation, or a one-on-one conversation, makes people remember or forget what you’re saying? For example, if you start a speech with “I am lucky to have such a captive audience” and your hands are in your pockets, you’ve lost your audience right there. Instead, open your arms wide like you’re hugging the entire audience. You’ll not only see smiles but also have forged a connection with them.

When you want people to feel you’re confident and in control, try resting your arms on your hips lightly and standing straight. Open hand gestures that use more space show that you’re being honest.

4. Fix your posture.

Just like your gestures, your posture says a lot about you—it can signal if you are welcoming, feeling hostile, or just bored. When you’re sitting through a presentation, meeting, or conference with a slouch, you’re telling the speaker that they are boring. Whereas, an upright position with your hands in the steeple position says you’re interested in what the speaker has to say and makes you look confident.

Say you’re up on a stage presenting to a crowd of 100—200 people, what should your ideal posture be? Should you stand in the middle of the stage with your hands in your pocket? Or should your hands be behind your back? Neither. The right thing to do is to stand in a tall upright position while occasionally pacing around the stage. You could keep a laser pointer in hand to draw attention to your presentation and make appropriate hand gestures (steeple, backslap hand, open arms, etc.) as you speak.

5. Let your words and tone say the same thing.

Have you noticed people saying “I’m fine, thank you” in such low spirits and with no smiles that you begin to wonder if they need help? That’s because they’re saying one thing but expressing something totally different through tone and body language. Once you’ve mastered the art of self-awareness, you’ll be in greater control of your emotions and thereby what you let on for people to believe.

According to Albert Mehrabian, your "tone of voice" comprises 38% of your message. This includes your tone, pitch, speed, pauses, and the volume of your message decides how well people understand and connect with you. High—pitched voices that are almost nasal or hoarse aren’t winners when it comes to public speaking. A clear speech, right volume, properly spaced out words and sentences, correct pauses, modulations, energy, etc., are all important components of tone that you should be paying attention to during any conversation.

Read these sentences out loud with emphasis on the highlighted words:

I didn’t say he borrowed my book.
I didn’t say he borrowed my book.
I didn’t say he borrowed my book.
I didn’t say he borrowed my book.

Notice how emphasising different parts of the sentence changes its meaning. Without emphasis, the first iteration is open to interpretation. The second probably means that someone else borrowed the book. In the third go, emphasising ‘borrowed’ suggests that the person might be a thief or that the book was given to him to keep. Finally, in the fourth iteration, you’re simply saying that it wasn’t your book.

Often, the resonance (quality of your voice that makes it pleasant) and presence (the unique soundwaves you create that make your voice piercing, resonant, light, flat, etc.) of your voice depends on how well you breathe. We make the mistake of restricting our breath till our chest, whereas we are supposed to carry it all the way down to our bellies. Breathing properly will make your voice strong and speech clear.

6. Use the right facial expressions.

Homo sapiens have evolved to store numerous complex emotions at a time and many of them like happiness, sadness, disappointment, surprise, desire, fear, and excitement have a way of showing up during our conversations. They are called Affect Displays, unintentional facial expressions that give strong clues about your emotions.

Carefully observe people during intense conversations or arguments, and you’ll notice that some flare up their noses while others develop a slight eye or cheek twitch. You can tell that they are under the control of their emotions. Whereas, when someone is politely nodding their head or softly blinking their eyes, they seem more calm and confident. Facial expressions are one of the most important aspects of body language—during meetings, presentations, or one-on-one conversations. A smile with a slightly raised eyebrow is considered the most trustworthy expression, whereas smirks and eye-rolls give a bad impression.

7. Communicate affection and support with a light touch.

A sophisticated but tricky non-verbal communication trick is to use touch during conversations. It’s called haptic communication. Touch is an intimate and powerful mode of communication that can convey feelings like care, support, concern, or even anger and distrust.

As with any form of communication in the workplace, there are some rules to remember. A handshake or a pat on the back is the most acceptable form of touch in the workplace, and they say a lot about your mental and emotional state. For example, a limp handshake means you’re not confident or you avoid touching people altogether, while an extremely hard handshake can make you look dominating and overpowering. A pat on the back, hand, or shoulder communicates encouragement and appreciation.

Be smart and use the power of touch to your benefit—firm handshakes that convey strength and warmth and friendly pats on the back for praise. But limit yourself to these acceptable forms of touch. In some cultures, a light squeeze of the hand or shoulder could easily be considered inappropriate, therefore it is important to maintain acceptable standards.

8. Let your energy do most of the work.

Do you remember enjoying a music concert where the artist is tired, not moving around, and singing one song after the other with no audience interaction? No right? That’s because people are there for the show, and what’s a show without energy?

It’s simple, most of your professional acquaintances enjoy or dislike your company based on the energy you bring in. During presentations and formal meetings, keep a calm and confident energy - train your brain to feel relaxed. If you’re seen as someone who is always tired, sad, or depressed, you will attract people who are in the same boat as you—this will affect your career progression and life goals.

9. Dress up for the occasion.

What you wear and how you present yourself is an insight into your state of mind—are you feeling happy and confident, do you care about the event and the people, etc. Showing up to work or formal events in casual attire, unironed and soiled clothes gives people the impression that you would rather be somewhere else than with them. Before you even have the chance to open your mouth and strike a conversation, half, if not all, of your audience will have formed an impression about you and it won’t be a positive one.

Formal attire like pant suits with polished shoes, a tie, and nicely kept hair is important (unless stated otherwise). An invitation to dinner or cocktail party calls for a knee—length cocktail dress or a dressy suit or a saree for the ladies, and a dark suit with tie and dressy leather shoes for the gentlemen. If the dress code says “semi-formal”, a dressy skirt and top with high heels or dress pants with a collared shirt and jacket should do well. Whatever the occasion, ensure you dress right.

10. Learn by analysing people.

The best way to learn what works and doesn’t work in the realm of non-verbal communication is to observe the people around you. Use your skills (read subtle spying) to notice where people look when they talk, how they stand, how much physical contact they make, etc., and see what works for the people they’re communicating with. While learning from one’s own mistakes is good, learning from other’s mistakes saves you a bunch of embarrassment.

Mastering non-verbal communication takes practice. Try these 10 simple but really effective tips to help you master the skill of non-verbal communication.

Meetings are a mainstay of modern workplace communication, and for good reason. Done right, meetings aid collaboration, creativity, innovation, and inclusivity among teams. A study1 by ResearchGate reveals that over 50% of respondents considered their meetings productive and only 15% complained about them being a waste of time. Yet, many of us hear superiors say, “If you’re invited to a meeting, we expect you to speak up. Don’t wait for someone to ask you.” So, when you can’t find your voice in a meeting or if you’re getting interrupted too often when you try to speak, here are a few ways to make yourself heard in meetings.

7 Ways to Make Your Voice Heard in Meetings.

1.Do your research beforehand.

Walking into a meeting with no idea about its purpose or agenda is like going to war without guns. It’s imperative that you study the agenda before the meeting and arm yourself with ideas, questions and suggestions. If there are topics on the agenda that you can contribute to, convey the same to the host in advance and request that they set aside a few minutes in the meeting for you to speak. And if public speaking gets the best of you, practice your speech before the meeting with a friend or a trusted colleague, and invite questions and suggestions. Remember, practice makes perfect.

2.Arrive early to a meeting.

Reach the meeting room 10-15 minutes ahead of time and start conversations with those who are already present. It’s astonishing how even experienced people shy away from contributing in meetings because they fear what others will think of them. Being assertive in your communication with attendees gets easier if you’ve already spoken to them and built a rapport before the meeting. And if small talk is not your thing, just pull out the agenda and ask for someone’s opinion.

3.Consider questions as contributions.

Questions spark curiosity, curiosity creates ideas, and ideas lead to innovation. So never hesitate to stand up in a meeting and ask your questions. But don’t ever use questions to draw attention towards you. If your question doesn’t have merit, you’re only wasting your and your entire team’s time—a crime too grave to commit when everyone is already pressed for time. Don’t have questions but want to contribute? Make your voice heard by answering questions or summarizing the meeting based on your understanding.

4.Make sure your ideas get the attention they deserve.

When you’ve finally won attention in the meeting, hold the floor until you’ve made your point. Sometimes, even though you’ve made an important contribution, another attendee might think that they’ve come up with an idea of a lifetime and your idea will get lost under their enthusiasm. To avoid this, right after you make your point, engage others in a conversation by asking them “Do you think we can work with this idea?”, or “How can we make this work for your team as well?” to make sure your idea gets the attention it deserves. And if someone interrupts, politely tell them that you’d like to hear their opinion but have just two more points to make. After you’ve completed your dialogue, remember to ask the person what they were saying.

5.Respond in agreement or disagreement.

If you agree to a point, ensure you voice your agreement with facts or reasons for the same. And if you disagree, speak up and explain why. Never apologize for disagreeing with someone, instead be assertive in your communication without being disrespectful. Avoid starting with phrases like “I’m sorry but I think...” or “I don’t want to interrupt, but…” and start with these: ● In my opinion, we have a better solution if we…. ● I understand Sheetal’s point, but that could lead to… ● I see it differently because…

6.Ask yourself why you want to contribute.

You either have something important to say that will change the course of the meeting, or you’re worried that you’ll be at the receiving end of the “If you’re invited to a meeting, we expect you to speak up.” comment. If your contribution is driven by the latter, begin by asking yourself why you care about your role, your organization and the project at hand. Answering these questions will help you develop a sense of connection to your work, so you can find new ways to contribute instead of just making your presence felt.

7.Leave your emotions at the door.

People complain that they get “shut off” or “spoken over” in meetings. The only way to get past this is to leave your emotions at the door before a meeting. If you’re being spoken over, or when your idea isn’t being accepted like you wish it to be, staying in a neutral emotional state will help you cope with the feedback. If you have an important point to make that was interrupted, stand up and assert it; if it wasn’t, let it pass. Remember, the point of the meeting is to find solutions to a problem, and not to hear you out. Making yourself heard in meetings can be tricky, especially when you’re stuck in a workplace that doesn’t notice your contributions. Give these suggestions a go, practice ways to be more assertive in your communication, and you’ll soon find it easy to be heard in meetings!